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Toothpaste.
Toothpaste is probably one of my least favorite things ever, topping even brussel sprouts (which I tried only once when I was six and visiting family in Germany). It’s not that I don’t like the taste, or the smell, or how it makes my teeth feel. I enjoy all of that. My issue and source of hatred comes from brushing my teeth and getting it on my shirt or somewhere on my clothing in general. Why do I hate it so much? Let me tell you.
I hate it because it looks like jizz.
I can remember being on the phone with somebody a year or so ago and brushing my teeth. Yeah, I multitask. He said something that made me laugh and I spit out all of the toothpaste foam. It looked like Zeus himself had shot a load all over my chest. Not. Fucking. Happy.
And so now I’m sitting here with two small white spots on my top, over my right boob, and I’m reminded of how much of a pain in the ass dental hygiene really is because apparently if you don’t look like a porn star after the fact then you’re not doin’ it right.
